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This has been one of those weeks where you wonder where the HECK your time has gone. Over a week has passed since my writing retreat, and not only does the retreat feel like it was a month ago, I’ve not gotten any farther with my manuscript than I was the day I left. What is it with my time?
The problem is, I KNOW where my time gone, but I can’t do anything about it. That is perhaps the most frustrating part. Sickness, fatigue, working over 40 hours, three band practices, two physical therapy appointments, homework, celebrating Easter and a birthday—this was my week. Many of you had similar weeks. I know I’m not alone in that. The issue is, what do we do about it?
Charles Bruxton writes, You will never “find” time for anything. If you want time, you must make it. That’s what I try to do this evening. I let my hubby put the kids to bed, and I sit down at the computer at 9:00 PM to try to get some work and some writing done. But it comes at a cost. Everything comes at a cost. When you make time for one thing, you take it from another. Nothing comes for free. I rob Peter to pay Paul with the little one hour blocks on my calendar, and each week I come up short. In a household where we already don’t watch television and spend very little time on the internet, there aren’t many more reserves of time from which to draw. Anything else that gets cut is likely important. Like exercise. Or snuggle time. Or morning devotionals. I constantly try to re-work my budget, but I’m still left with fewer hours in the day than I need.
My intent for tonight was to sit here at least until midnight, plugging away. Two posts written and three chapters worth of edits entered into the computer. Three hours. It could be possible. But I’m tired. And achy. And a little bit crabby about it all. Which makes me, truth be told, incredibly anxious about this whole writing thing, when I seem to have more weeks like this than not.
I flip through Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, and I am reminded it is not in my hands:
I am your strength and shield. I plan out each day and have it ready for you, long before you arise from bed. I also provide the strength you need each step of the way. Instead of assessing your energy level and wondering about what’s on the road ahead, concentrate on staying in touch with me. My power flows freely into you through our open communication. Refuse to waste energy worrying, and you will have strength to spare. (January 31)
This is both my prayer for myself and for you—the ability to walk in this constant communication that allows us to experience the power of the Holy Spirit flowing through our every breath, our every thought, our every moment. The strength, the peace, the power we need to do what we need to do. The ability to trust in this, to refrain from worrying and planning, to walk by faith and not by sight. And to see that bear fruit—in our hearts, our time, our meager projects and offerings. This is what I need. If it’s what you need, too, then let’s ask for it together.
We cannot add hours to our day. We cannot turn back time. We cannot make time stand still. But we know One who can. It is to Him we must turn in times like these—times when we have no time, when we need more time, when we are out of time. There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens… (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
I will continue to pursue this dream. I will continue to sit down at this computer, to write my little scratchings on the back of scrap paper, to edit in bed long past my husband is asleep. And I will trust that the One who holds ALL of time in His hands will somehow provide the time I need to do the work HE has put on my heart to do.
It is about time.