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She’s strong but she’s exhausted.
BOTH/AND.
There’s this thing in psychology they call “cognitive dissonance.”
The term is used to describe the mental discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes.
Like, say, between
“yay I haven’t seen my bff for a month and I can stay all day and we’re going to get to catch up and talk about all. the. things.”
and
“omg my battery is dead and I’m going to die and I need to go. home. NOW.”
Perhaps.
Or, more commonly, maybe things like:
“I overdid it and burnt out and this is my own doing” clashing with “this is a viral borne illness and isn’t your fault”
or
“the medical profession exists to help us get better” coming up against “my doctor refuses to consider this any further”
or
“I’m only 50 I have 15 years of career left and I have all. the. plans” slamming into “my body has limits it will not allow me to exceed.”
Needless to say, cognitive dissonance SUCKS.
What we have to do, in order to live in this space of conflicting realities, is learn to switch from an either/or mindset to a both/and way of thinking.
I am both energized to see my friend AND exhausted by it.
The medical profession is both a helping profession AND a profit-driven industry.
I am both sick AND ambitious.
This is the only way to move forward. Either/or is a puppy chasing its tail—it never ends, the circle only occasionally changes direction.
So yes, I AM strong. I am creative. I am driven. I am full of faith. I am hopeful. I am eager to go-go-go…
AND
I am tired. Exhausted. Weary. Frustrated. Sad.
But I’m less at odds with myself than I was when this started. And THAT resonates.