A few stats about the effect of chronic illness on long-term relationships:

 

• Nearly half of all Americans live their day-to-day lives with at least one chronic illness as a companion.

• Statistics show that over 75 percent of marriages plagued by chronic illness end in divorce.

• A married woman diagnosed with a serious disease is six times more likely to be divorced or separated than a man with a similar diagnosis.

• In one large study, the divorce rate was 21 percent for seriously ill women and 3 percent for seriously ill men.

• Spouses who are caregivers are six times more likely to be depressed than spouses who do not need to be caregivers.

• Caregiving has been identified as a source of psychological strain which may lead to increased morbidity and mortality among caregivers themselves.

• Illness may also decrease household income due to the inability of one or both spouses to work which may also increase marital strain.

 

 

Now, I don’t know about you and YOUR loved one, but as a woman who’s been married 27 years and just turned f(COUGH)y this year,that’s a little sobering.

And we have a GOOD marriage.

 

 

So I asked my husband:⁠ ⁠ how can people with chronic illness take care of the people who take care of us?⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠

“It’s funny, I was just thinking about that and wanted to talk to you about it…”⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠

 

 

So, here’s what he suggests:⁠ ⁠

 

—Determine what are things that you COULD still do, on your good days, that would help lighten some of their load.⁠ ⁠

—Set time aside both daily and weekly to do something relationally together that works with your current energy level.⁠ ⁠

—If you don’t know the love language of the people on whom you rely, try to find them out. Then try to show love for them in ways that they RECEIVE love.⁠ ⁠

—Say thank you. Write letters. Get a card. Order them something small off of Amazon. Little things that show both appreciation AND that you place VALUE on their care.⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠

 

I asked my Instagram tribe what else they would add. Here’s what they came up with:

 

—Plan ahead and do something special for them for a birthday, holiday, or just a Thursday. Something to show your appreciation.

—I let my hubby pic the shows/movies we watch. On good days I would let him sleep in (weekends) and I encourage him to go out with his friends and stay social even if I can’t.

—I’m writing a list of all the tasks he takes care up then picking some to take on that I think I can manage on a consistent-ish basis. Then once I’ve done it a few times I’m going to ask him if it was helpful.

—Allow your partner to take time for themselves, plan activities you can do, surprise them with little things, allow them to talk about how your disability affects them, LISTEN, get feedback for how you can make things easier for them, be patient with them when things don’t go perfectly, and pray with and for them.

—Encourage them in their hobbies. That is one thing I am trying to do for my Hubbub is getting him to think about himself for a change, so I bring it up a lot and we brainstorm ideas

—Another one: I call it ‘illness free time’. Not that you have to act or do something like you are healthy but e.g. having conversations just focusing on the other one’s life/problems without thinking about your illness. Or find things that are possible together without crashing, so you don’t have to talk/think about the negative consequences, because there shouldn’t be any.

 

It’s hard to be sick. There’s no doubt about it.

AND it’s hard to have a partner who is sick.

 

So we have to be intentional and we have to make sure, no matter what happens,