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(This is the final post in the Serenity Prayer Series.)
We have a pastor emeritus—an amazing Bible teacher who taught me my favorite prayer (“Oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God…)—who always says that you need to pay special attention to phrases like “so that” or “therefore,” “because a therefore means you should always ask what it’s THERE FOR.”
And THAT is where we find ourselves at the end of this prayer. (WE’RE AT THE END OF THIS PRAYER!!!)
“SO THAT…”
This little two-word conjunction alerts us to a connection or a conclusion—that this is where the entire prayer has been driving. We have done ALL THE REST for THIS:
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever and ever in the next.
All the work at acceptance and surrender, all the learning to be in the moment, all the discerning what we are capable of changing, all the embracing hardship and suffering—it has all been bringing us to this outcome: reasonable happiness in this life, supreme happiness in the next. Who wouldn’t want THAT?
But this is, if we’re honest, a downright odd little thing to say in an American culture that guarantees the UNALIENABLE right to pursue happiness, don’t you think? That our desired outcome, after all of this, is REASONABLE happiness in this lifetime?
An article I found on the Serenity Prayer in HuffPo’s Religion section, of all places, was perhaps the most adequate initial response I found to this final phrase, particularly in addressing that curious little word, “reasonably:”
The prayer’s ending has something very profound to say about happiness: if we follow the prayer’s advice, we may be “reasonably happy in this life.” Just reasonably? At a time when our culture measures happiness and success mostly in terms of money and power, that word “reasonably” stands out as an appealingly modest definition of a successful life. Rather than wondering why we aren’t happier, or picking through every minute aspect of our lives, the prayer asks us to focus on the present, “Living one day at a time” and “enjoying one moment at a time.”
HuffPost
And here’s where it gets interesting, because I know not all of you reading this profess to a faith of any kind, which makes me all the more thankful you’re here. The unnamed author of the article concludes:
Whether or not you believe in God or an afterlife, and whether or not the prayer’s ending — a vision of being “supremely happy with Him forever in the next” — appeals to you or not, there’s something universal in the prayer’s quiet celebration of understanding our own potential, our own limits, and our capacity for transcendence.
HuffPost
Now, rather than get caught up in the weeds of this quote, on which we will all no doubt have varying opinions, I want to use this excerpt (and a little bit of scripture) to talk about a few very important words in this last line of our prayer and lend my two cents as to why I believe they are significant. And those words are:
- Reasonably
- Supremely
- WITH
Reasonably
Now, you should all know well by now that I’m a HUGE word nerd, so, OF COURSE, I must define this for you. There are two ways of looking at this word—one is to define it as acting in a fair and sensible way; to show good judgement and act in accordance with reason. I would venture to say this is how the word is most often used today.
But another way to define our first word of three is to say that something exists or is operating to a moderate or acceptable degree; it is satisfactory—it is not extreme or excessive.
I don’t know about you, but THIS DOES NOT PRODUCE OR PROVOKE EXCITEMENT WITHIN ME. Because this prayer is a boatload of work and, TBH, the immediate payoff doesn’t seem so hot. (Particularly when you consider that another definition of reasonably is “to be offered at a price that is not too expensive.”) MODERATE happiness? Refraining from becoming extreme or excessive? I’m sorry, but that is NOT satisfactory to me.
To many who know me, this would come as somewhat of a surprise. I’m very open about the fact that I’ve struggled with dysthymia my whole life (chronic, lingering depression, usually a bit milder in nature—USUALLY) and I’ve got a lot of yuck going on and have for, well, let’s just say a long time, AND I tend to be a verbal processor. Add to that the characterization that Fours on the Enneagram (a way of understanding your overarching outlook on life based on your early formative experiences) are melancholy and “LOVE to be sad,” and you might begin to understand why my problem with this” reasonably happy thing” I have might be mystifying to some.
And this extends even to those who know me best. I remember sitting in the theater between my BFF and my husband, watching Inside Out—a Pixar “children’s” movie about the control panel in our brains and how it’s run by five primary emotions—Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust.
The movie begins with the birth of Riley, our main character, and as she first experiences Joy, Joy becomes the emotion running the show. She is, in essence, in control of the control panel, and sees her job as keeping Riley happy.
This works great until Riley turns ten and moves across country, and then Sadness becomes very curious about what Riley is experiencing, and even begins touching some of Riley’s core memories, turning them from yellow (a joyful memory) to blue (a sad memory.) Which sends Joy into a full-blown panic attack as she attempts to keep ALL the memories, past and the ones currently being made, in the yellow.
Joy and Sadness, in an attempt to return Riley’s core memories to their yellow state, end up on a journey that takes them through Riley’s long-term memory. (Think of what you imagine an Amazon warehouse must look like and multiply it by a billion. And stock it floor to ceiling with big honkin marbles.) Joy is determined they are going to be able to fix everything. Sadness, however, is less than optimistic.
At one point, Sadness lays down on the floor in exhaustion and despair (well, THAT DOES sound familiar…) and Joy ends up dragging her by the foot through the aisles as Sadness moans, “It’s just sooooooo haaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrd.”
And at the exact same time, my BFF starts laughing (AT ME, just so we’re clear) and my husband nudges me with his elbow.
And I’m all like, “WHAT?!?!?! I am NOT like THAT!!!!!”
Because on the inside, I’m REALLY not (though I OBVIOUSLY MUST BE on the outside)—on the INSIDE (OH.MY.GOLLY. I JUST got the personal significance of the title—I am not on that outside who I aspire to be on the inside and need to turn INSIDE OUT. BOOM!) (Sorry, never mind me. Just having a personal revelation here… now where was I… oh yes: ) on the INSIDE I identify most strongly with JOY.
Because, on the inside, I WANT ALL THE LITTLE MEMORY BALLS TO BE YELLOW—for EVERYONE I love. I want my kids’ to be yellow. I want my husband’s to be yellow. I want my parents’ to be yellow, my sibs, my friends, my coworkers, MY OWN. Yellow. I want them ALL. TO. BE. YELLOW. And like Joy, I’m doing everything within my power to strive for ultimate memory-making—as Joy would say, “Another PERFECT day, everybody. Good work!”
But there AREN’T perfect days—or at least not to that degree. All of our days are, as Joy and Sadness learn at the end, a swirl of yellow and blue, joy and sadness, happiness and melancholy—both necessary for the other. It is, indeed, as Carl Jung once wrote, true that
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
Carl Jung
Which is why this whole “reasonably happy” stuff doesn’t sit well with me. I want ALL THE HAPPY. And therein lies my problem—despite knowing better, I tend to forget that “What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven.” Chuck Palahniuk
So REASONABLY happy, while an appropriate expectation here on this fallen earth, leaves me often feeling hollow—longing for more. Longing for the full-out, breath-taking JOY of which we were created to partake—that delight we once knew as infants and toddlers that eventually gives way to other emotions at our control panel, reminding us that:
The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mode of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change; happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up.
Charles L. Morgan
Reasonably happy in this world—enjoying one moment at a time. I can stop the frantic running about in the control room—not all the memories have to be yellow.
Supremely
…and supremely happy forever with you, in the next.
This is our next key word: SUPREMELY. Extremely. Excellently. To the highest degree. As a professing Christian, just as the author of this prayer, this is what I believe awaits me when my earthly vessel is no more. It is a unique perspective, because, as Timothy Keller writes,
While other worldviews lead us to sit in the midst of life’s joys, foreseeing the coming sorrows, Christianity empowers its people to sit in the midst of this world’s sorrows, tasting the coming joy.
Timothy Keller
The small, “reasonable,” happinesses we experience here on this earth are, I believe, just a foretaste of what is to come from a God who “will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” Psalm 16:11
“In the next,” every day is a yellow memory day. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Because they will be pain-free. They will be tear-free. They will be fatigue-free, illness-free, depression-free, insomnia-free.
Why?
Because in the presence of the One Who Saves, we will, through HIS wounds, be made healed and whole.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, best known for her work with the dying, through which she first conceived the concept of their being stages of grief one experiences when there is impending death or an already actualized loss, talked a great deal, as well, about the impact of suffering on people. And she talked, in particular, about how the difficulties we experience change us—ideally for the better:
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
In heaven, we are ALL beautiful people.
We just are.
Because in heaven, no matter the scars we’ve borne here, we will all look like Jesus.
It is what gave Paul the ability to write, in his letter to the Romans,
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18
That glory is JESUS, made manifest in US.
And it is why supreme happiness—happiness to the HIGHEST DEGREE—is what awaits us on the other side of this life. Because in his presence, his glory is made COMPLETE.
Which brings us to our final word.
With
…and supremely happy WITH YOU, forever, in the next.
We cannot gloss over this little qualifier as if it doesn’t exist—because it is the ENTIRE reason for our happiness. Being WITH—in the combination, accompaniment, presence, or addition of—GOD.
You see, the whole of the story of God and his people—including the birth, life, death, and resurrection of his son, Jesus—has to do with us being created to be continually in his presence, us losing that geographical and spiritual closeness, and then the working of his remarkable plan throughout history (namely first through the law then second through the death and resurrection of his son) to restore us to the fullness of his presence not just for our lifetime, but for ETERNITY.
This is WHY the psalmist wrote:
In Thy presence is fullness of joy; in Thy right hand there are pleasures forever.”
Psalm 16:11 (emphasis mine)
It is why Jesus told his disciples,
My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
John 14:2-3 (emphasis mine)
Because “everything that now makes us groan will finally be done away with, and we will find ourselves in the very presence of God, where the purest and truest kind of joy is possible…”
…We must understand that all secondary joys, including all the secondary joys of our current life and our lives to come in Heaven, are derivative in nature. They cannot be separated from God. Flowers are beautiful for one reason—God is beautiful. Rainbows are stunning because God is stunning. Puppies are delightful because God is delightful. Sports are fun because God is fun. Study is rewarding because God is rewarding. Work is fulfilling because God is fulfilling.
Because everything in heaven but God is a secondary joy, the ultimate joy will be God Himself.
Randy Alcorn
Unfortunately, though, many won’t experience part or all of this happiness available to us—largely because we are stubborn, foolish mortals who all too often simply don’t know any better (and don’t for a minute think I’m not talking about you and me):
We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea.
We are far too easily pleased.
C.S. Lewis
Making mud pies in a slum when we could be making sand castles by the sea.
This is this difference his presence makes.
And so here, at last, we land:
SO THAT
I might be REASONABLY happy in this life,
And SUPREMELY happy WITH you, forever, in the next.
Not a bad outcome, if you ask me. All memories turned to yellow. All scars turned to beauty. All distance turned to the greatest intimacy we will ever know.
All that and a holiday at the sea.
And all OURS, to partake of.
This prayer can change your life, friends.
And I don’t know about you, but I’m MORE than ready for a GOOD change, right about now.
(And all God’s people said,
AMEN.)