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(This is the thirteenth post in the Serenity Prayer series)
It seems to me there are a few words, in particular, in this line of our prayer that are—or at least ought to be—of particular importance to us. Truth be told—the word nerd in me would love to diagram the heck out of this sentence and wax poetic about every IF and TO and YOUR. But I will spare you. THIS TIME. You’re welcome.
Today, the three words I want to focus on briefly are TRUSTING, RIGHT, and SURRENDER.
So, we’re following on the heels of “taking this world as it is, not as I would have it,” and I talked last time about some of my own struggles with surrender but how God has often spoken to me quite clearly in the midst of those times.
But what about the times when he’s not speaking clearly? What about the times when you’re asking and he doesn’t appear to be answering? Oswald Chambers, author of the classic devotional My Utmost for His Highest, one of the few devotionals I can stomach, once wrote,
Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do He reveals to you who He is. Do you believe in a miracle working God, and will you “go out” in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?
Oswald Chambers
Interestingly enough, I have written here in my notes from the day I started pulling thoughts together for this post:
Our sermon yesterday? Miracles. Our worship song? “You Are a Miracle Working God”
Me
This “’going out’ in complete surrender to Him” without any answers as to what God is up to requires that we TRUST HIM. Not just that we trust IN or ABOUT him, but that we trust HIM—that we believe he is good, no matter what. I wrote about this very topic not long after Keira went to the Cleveland Clinic—it’s called How to Trust When Trust is Hard. If trusting God is where you’re getting hung up in this process, it’s a practical piece worth a read. Really, truly.
So what does it mean to TRUST? I love how Nancy Colier, LCSW, Rev., sort of loosely defines in Psychology Today what trust looks like in the context of surrender:
When you surrender your will, you are saying, “Even though things are not exactly how I’d like them to be, I will face my reality. I will look it directly in the eye and allow it to be here.” Surrender and serenity are synonymous; you can’t experience one without the other. So if it’s serenity you’re searching for, it’s close by. All you have to do is resign as General Manager of the Universe. Choose to trust that there is a greater plan for you and that if you surrender, it will be unfolded in time. (Emphasis mine.)
Nancy Colier, LCSW, Rev.
For most of us, at this point in our lives and our illnesses the notion that we could even possibly be the General Manager of the Universe is downright laughable. But General Manager of My Life? Now THAT is a role I attempt to play every day—and many, if not most days, my own body does, indeed, outright laugh at me. In a not-so-nice kind of way.
Trust is laying down my attempts to control everything about my life from my dictatorial body to my 26-year marriage to my cellphone reception to my career to my one-more-turd-in-the-dining-room-away-from-becoming-an-outdoor-cat cat to my nearly adult children to my still half-decorated-for-Christmas home to my naturally unruly hair. All of it. Laying it ALL down.
And then, as Debbie Ford hints at, simply stepping into the waters of life, moving into the current, and laying back to float:
It’s an act of faith. It’s saying that even though I can’t see where this river is flowing, I trust it will take me in the right direction.”
Debbie Ford
I love this idea of the “river,” because so often water is used in scripture as a metaphor, most often for the Holy Spirit, and I wrote recently on my IG account about Phil Vischer’s story and how his production company, Jellyfish Labs, got its name because jellyfish can’t locomote, they can only flow with the current. It’s a theme Nancy Colier picks up on, too:
Surrender, when we are graced with it, is a true gift. When we finally acknowledge that we can’t do it, we then give ourselves the opportunity to feel the river of life carrying us, taking us where we need to go, even though we have no idea where that might be. Often when surrender happens, we don’t trust that anything will take care of us, carry us, or show us the way, and that’s what makes surrender so unthinkable. But we surrender because we have to, and luckily, surrender does not require our trust. But when we do finally let go of the reins, acknowledge our absolute not knowing, the most remarkable opportunity appears—to directly experience being supported by a larger source of wisdom, what I call “Grace,” which once experienced can never not be known. (Emphasis mine)
Nancy Colier, LCSW, Rev.
When we lay back and float (especially if you’re particularly buoyant, like me), you don’t have to TRUST that the water will somehow hold you up, IT JUST DOES. And having done so once or twice, our trust in the water then begins to develop.
So trust can either be a prerequisite for some, or an outcome for others, but it is clearly an important ingredient to surrender either way. So what, then, are we trusting for? “Trusting that he will make all things right…”
This is the place where it gets confusing for some—make ALL things RIGHT? Does that mean he’s going to FIX me? My situation? What does it mean for God to “make all things right?”
Each of us, at one point or another in our lives, encounters a situation that shakes loose the foundations of who we think are and what we think we can bear and pushes us past our limits. And we often sit there, spinning in place, because we just HAVEN’T GOTTEN IT. Gotten what? Gotten this:
The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven’t yet come to the end of themselves. We’re still trying to give orders, and interfering with God’s work within us.
A. W. Tozer
When that happens—when our foundations begin to crumble and our walls begin to shake—we are forced to recognize we are operating under our OWN agendas. We have determined for ourselves what is most important in our lives—things like personal peace, happiness, comfort, prosperity, security, friends, good health, fulfilling experiences, reaching our “full potential.” And as we’ve pursued those agendas, they have eventually ALL led to a place of confusion. Of unknowing. Nancy Colier puts it this way:
Surrender happens when we know that we don’t know. It arrives when we know that we cannot think or see our way through where we are. We don’t have the answers. In true surrender, we don’t know if what’s to come will be better or worse, more comfortable or more awful. All we know is that we can’t do it this way, the way we’ve been doing it, a moment longer. Surrender happens when it can’t not happen. (Emphasis mine)
Nancy Colier, LCSW, Rev.
When we trust that God will “make all things right if we surrender to his will,” we are, I believe, based upon the rest of this prayer, trusting that when we give up our own agendas and allow God to have his way in our lives (more on this in a minute) he changes us on the inside so that our hearts are aligned with his will. I think Proverbs 3:5-6 probably summarizes this entire line from the Serenity Prayer best:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
When we TRUST—when we lean not on our own understanding and we submit—or SURRENDER—to him, he makes all things RIGHT: our crooked, windy, twisty-curvy-dead-end paths become STRAIGHT.
And that straight path leads us directly to the cross, where he makes us truly, deeply RIGHT WITH HIM, for once and for all.
But first…
We must surrender: 1. Cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority. 2. Give control over a place or person to someone who has defeated you. 3. Give or relinquish something in your possession or control to someone in authority because you must and who does not give it back to you. 4. Allow yourself to show your feelings and to do what you really want to do. 5. Be defeated in a game, competition or argument. 6. Say officially that you have been defeated and will stop fighting. 7. Give oneself up into the power of another. (Remember: WORD NERD.) This last line—number seven—is worth taking note of, because when we don’t really understand what it means it often gives us the wrong impression about surrender. Nancy Colier puts it like this:
When we surrender we give up, but not in the way we think giving up means. We don’t give up to or on the situation, but rather, we give up the notion that we should be able to or can manage the situation, that we can control any of it. We give up the belief that we can make reality different than what it is.
Nancy Colier, LCSW, Rev.
But the definition that is going to make the most sense to us, as we talk about surrender in the context of the Serenity Prayer, is this: to submit to the power, authority, and control of another. And our model for this is JESUS. One of my Bible commentaries puts it this way:
The entire New Testament…shows us that Christ was willing to surrender His rights and prerogatives as the second person of the Trinity to the will and purpose and plan of the Father. Then, out of that surrender came the willingness to sacrifice for God’s plan no matter what the plan called for. Surrender, then, is part of the pathway to maturity and effective Christ-like ministry.
We see this most clearly when Jesus prays in the garden for the possibility of a different outcome:
And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”
Mark 14:35-36 ESV
This prayer is not answered by removing the suffering. The prayer is answered THROUGH the suffering, as Jesus surrenders to his Father’s will IN ORDER THAT HE WILL MAKE ALL THINGS RIGHT.
And we are called to do the same. As Friedrich Schiller writes,
Blessed is he, who has learned to bear what he cannot change, and to give up with dignity, what he cannot save.
Friedrich Schiller
If that’s not the premise of the Serenity Prayer, then I don’t know what is.
But don’t be fooled. While the moment of laying back into the water and allowing yourself to simply float there on its surface is fairly easy, the route to getting there is NOT:
Our minds will fight with, reject, ignore, push against and keep maneuvering to change those situations that we don’t want. And then there comes a time, a situation, when we can’t keep fighting, either because it’s too painful, or because we finally know at a body/heart level that it’s futile and some other as of yet unknown path is needed. Surrender begins here, where all other strategies end…And to our surprise, the moment of surrender itself is easy, it happens when it’s ready. Control falls away and takes us with it. It’s the path to surrender that’s excruciating. But what’s amazing is that when surrender does arrive, it’s accompanied by a great sense of ease, relief, and peace.
Nancy Colier, LCSW, Rev.
It’s the path to surrender that’s excruciating.
Truer words were never spoken.
So how does this apply to us today? Surrender, at the foundational level, is the day by day commitment to meet our messy, painful, curvy-pathed life as it is and to finally, FINALLY, stop desperately trying to fight with and change what is so, right here and now.
It’s not gonna ALL get fixed, my friends. No matter how hard we pray or beg or plead, no matter how much we work and plan and scheme, no matter what we eat or don’t eat or take or don’t take—no matter if we even DO YOGA. And that disappoints me as much as it disappoints you. I really LIKE yoga.
But being FIXED has never been the point of our prayer—being CHANGED is.
And this stuff right here, guys? This stuff WILL CHANGE YOU.
And you can let it change you the LESS-painful way that leads to peace and relief, or you can let it change you the MORE-painful way which leads to an agonizing limp. The choice is yours. But you WILL be changed, one way or another.
THAT you can trust in.