It all started innocently enough. I’d finished reading about WordPress in my platform-building book, and thought I’d take a peek around Tuesday night after work. I sat down at the computer around 9:30 PM just to take a look. Taking a look turned into fidgeting. Fidgeting turned into playing. Playing turned into creating. Creating turned into 4:30 AM.

All told, I spent somewhere close to 35 hours working on this overhaul last week, on top of working at least 35-40 at my real job.  Can I just say?  I.  Am. Tired.

While this was an exciting and energizing project, it certainly tapped into the fear issue I’ve been discussing with my friends. I’ve shared with them my fears of rejection, of exposure, of mediocrity, of success. I’ve shared my most daunting of all, The Fear of Inertia. That terrible fear of putting all dreams and desires and talents and passions off until the kids are grown and things slow down only to find they have died somewhere along the way.

This process brought a new set of fears to the forefront. “What will people think? Will they take this the wrong way? Will they think I’m self-promoting? Will they absolutely HATE it? Will they think it’s stupid? Will they wonder why the heck I sent it to them in the first place?” Ah, The Fear of What Other People Think. Yet another fear to add to my list.

A good friend of mine added another, far greater concern to my list this past week, and one I think is worth repeating. “One of the things I’ve been pondering,” she writes, “is what I need to do/how I need to change NOW so that, when I meet Jesus face to face, I don’t weep uncontrollably when He reveals what I COULD have done if only I had trusted Him fully.” …so that…I don’t weep uncontrollably when He reveals what I COULD have done if only I had trusted Him fully. Ouch.

I don’t know about you, but this makes me want to start trusting him NOW.

I want to make your life a glorious adventure, but you must seek to know me in greater depth and breadth instead of striving for a safe lifestyle… Though you feel safest when your life is predictable and things seem to be under control, I want you to break free and discover the adventures I have planned for you… Recognize you are on the threshold of a new adventure, and that I will be with you each step of the way.  As we venture out together, cling tightly to my hand… (Jesus Lives, Sarah Young, Pgs 16-17)

I’ll say it again: I don’t know about you, but this makes me want to start trusting him NOW.

Adventure. Possibility. Threshold. No regrets. Trusting fully.

THIS is what I want my life to look like.

You?

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